When I still haven’t really understood what love is, I just shrugged off my shoulders on friends who went through difficult times or rather I didn’t take it seriously. Just like writing, I never also understood how I should grow as a writer if I never experienced failures one after the other. Both made me a ‘better’ person and embraced my life—of who I am.
Perhaps the worst love I had was with Michael, it ended really worst that even until now he still holds grudges toward me. I was hurt, but I have forgiven him. He is still stuck with the pain in his heart. Ken was right—he was one love, one lifetime I can consider. I had to succumb to dating; trying to flush his memory from my system, but I ended up in depression for four years instead. Would you believe how difficult it was for me; and even to my friends? I thank God for giving me ‘real’ friends who stood by me in my darkest moments. Then, the latest love and relationship with John also ended. From being a ‘kept’ partner—I was reduced to being a friend—to being a ‘Kuya’—to being a mere ‘acquaintance’. It was painful, but again—I need to push myself and stand up; take control over the situation.
But all these never made me stop to live life.
In the movie, ‘Meet Joe Black’ there was a line there that says, “Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.”
In my write life, I must say—I still continue to struggle, but just the same—I still find fulfillment in it. Being able to write and influence or even make someone agree with at least one sentence of what I have written—it is enough for me to keep going.
I remembered one time that I almost gave up doing—Web content writing, but three of the many clients I wrote for—got positive results from the fresh, original contents I created for them as they ran into deals and translated it into profits—I was inspired. I was inspired not to stop writing. Writing about success stories is not just a feel-good-experience, but rather a mix of emotions altogether. I get to document not just my clients’ successes or achievements but also their struggles that pushed them to succeed in life; in their ventures.
Yes, for me love and writing are both addicting. Addicting in the sense that once you are uplifted, you cannot resist, but to try it again and again and again.